Back in My Day…
Written by Justin Pletcher
They say getting old sucks. And I guess that’s true at times. I mean, my back definitely hurts a lot more than it did when I was young. Music sure seems to be trending in an unfortunate direction. And when I talk to some of my younger employees, they seem to have missed entire generational moments in time, such as Top Gun, Prince, and understanding that birthdays are to be celebrated on the single day and not for the entire week.
I often ask “kids these days” if their food still has flavor if they don’t Instagram it first before taking a bite. I also wonder if they’ve ever actually watched a concert through their own eyes and not through the Snapchat app on their phones.
And what the hell is up with Bae!? - You removed one letter from a one syllable word to make a dumber sounding one syllable word. I don’t think you understand the concept of abbreviations!
But here I go again being the old guy yelling, “kids these days!” In my defense, this is an actual conversation I had with a Generation “But Why?” at work:
Him: Where did you get the name Maverick for your son?
Me: Top Gun. (Kidding. Kinda.)
Him: What’s that?
Me: Top Gun!? It’s one of the greatest movies ever starring Tom Cruise.
Him: Tom Cruise. Is that the guy from that mummy movie?
Me: (Choking him to death)
So after I murdered him, it got me thinking about what an idiot I was in my younger years. And with our 20 year high school reunion just around the bend, I thought it might be fun to mix a little of the old with the new.
When I was working narcotics, I created a fake Facebook page to befriend the local drug dealers and run-of-the-mill criminals. I swear, you put up a profile picture of a hot chick and everyone will accept your friend request. Idiots. Job security, I guess. Anyway, I see these posts where kids list current trends, favorite items, and other topics on their timeline. I thought it might be fun to see what 20 years can do to such a list. So, here we go! After you read my list, go check out the EVHS Class of ’99 Reunion homepage (evhs1999.com) and fill out your contact info. We’d love to see you at the reunion next year, if for nothing more than to hear your answers to the questions below!
1999
Favorite Musician: 2Pac
Girlfriend: Stacy Tamble
First Kiss: Heidi Vogel. It did not go well, especially for Heidi. (Not kidding)
Last Kiss: Stacy Tamble. It did not go well, especially for Stacy. (Kidding. I hope?)
Best Friend: Collin Eittreim (hattahachi!)
Colleges Attended: Was just accepted to UW-Madison (this reminds me of a funny story. I was in the EVHS lunch room and I forget who it was but someone asked me where I was going to college. I told her Madison and she replied, “I didn’t know you were smart.” That’s when I knew I did high school right!)
Signature “Move”: Hershey Kisses (ask Stacy, it’s definitely not as dirty as it sounds)
Kids: 0 (God, I hope so!)
Job: Sam Goody (still the best job I’ve ever had)
Favorite Teacher: Hoops (this was an accounting class, but he never accounted for his students whereabouts)
Favorite Movie: Bad Boys (I saw this in the theater 17 times. Remember movie theaters? Remember free time!?)
Email Address: What?
Facebook Friends: What!?
Favorite Drink: Chocolate Milk and Kahlua (this is not a joke, ask Kevin Bril or Matt Munson)
Most Valuable Possession: Baseball card collection (I loved baseball cards! Until I discovered girls…then not so much)
Favorite Hobby: Hockey
Cell phone: I had a pager (and no, I was not a drug dealer regardless of my mom said. Remember when people would text you numerical codes and you’d have to break them to figure out what they were saying. Every one of us could have been a Nazi-Code breaker during WW2…born in the wrong era I guess)
Best Party Location: Munson’s mom’s basement
Special Skill: Falling down the stairs and acting injured so a freshman or sophomore would come ask me if I was alright (Angie Bents and Collin Eittreim remember this)
Favorite Phrase: “Tits, yo!” (This is definitely no longer a part of the social vernacular, thank god – and I apologize retroactively for those who ever heard me say this…I blame South Park)
NOW
Favorite Musician: Prince, although 2Pac is still top 2
Girlfriend: I don’t think my wife Talia wants me having one of these
First Kiss: Still Heidi…still unfortunate for her. (Still not kidding)
Last Kiss: My dog. It did not go well, especially for my dog. (Kidding…or am I?)
Best Friend: My tempurpedic mattress and ZZZQuil. Although Collin is still in the mix.
Colleges Attended: UW-Madison, Arizona State (I graduated from ASU), University of Maryland (online while I was in the Army), Normandale, Hennepin Tech (Law Enforcement Certificate), University of St. Thomas (graduate school) – I fancied myself a Van Wilder type except without Ryan Reynold’s good looks or charm…so more of a Van Milder.
Signature Move: Promise a back rub but then fall asleep before following through (my wife’s a lucky woman)
Kids: 1 (named after the greatest fighter pilot to ever live)
Job: Police Officer (but I’d reapply for Sam Goody tomorrow if CDs or tapes still existed)
Favorite Teacher: Whatever daycare teacher doesn’t call me at work to tell me Mav has a fever and needs to get picked up.
Favorite Movie: Whatever I have time to actually go see, or any movie I don’t fall asleep to…and Bad Boys.
Email Address: iraqyourworld@gmail.com (it’s a long story, but boy does my wife hate when people ask me for my email address)
Facebook Friends: Too many (I’m still not sure if my wife is catfishing me or not, although the baby does seem to help validate things…but I’ve been wrong before)
Favorite Drink: Old Fashioned, just like me (that is one benefit of being older; you don’t have to ask Dave Cook’s older brother to buy you booze anymore. And you can afford more than Aftershock and Keystone Light…or Kahlua and Chocolate milk)
Most Valuable Possession: Debt. (I miss baseball cards…)
Favorite Hobby: I wish I could still say Hockey, but I think I have to go with sleeping – it’s a precious resource when you are approaching 40 and you have a 1 year old.
Cell Phone: iPhone, and it’s literally made me dumber because not only do I not have to break codes anymore, I don’t have to remember phone numbers, do math, use a map, or type in full sentences. WTF!)
Best Party Location: Matt Munson’s mom’s basement…she still throws ragers.
Special Skill: Waking up at 5am with a sore back, sore feet, and blurry vision and getting into the shower without killing myself. I wonder if falling down stairs 20 years ago contributed to this. Hmmm…I never thought of that until now. Dammit!
Favorite Phrase: Maverick, No!